God has taught me so much over the last few months about faith – to strive for the ultimate kind of faith.
The faith of the Proverbs 31 woman – where she looks into the future and laughs without fear at the days to come – at all the uncertainties of the future – at all of the to-do’s that never get done – at all the deadlines she struggles to meet – at all the trials she knows she is bound to face.
The faith of Abraham. A man who gets this ridiculous and outlandish promise from God that his old, dying body will sow a seed in the old, dying, and barren body of his wife. They are both dinosaurs and God makes this promise. Though Abraham and his wife do experience a lapse of faith, as we all do, they return to the Lord’s promise, and pursue the Lord.
I don’t know about you, but if God told me something crazy like that, I would wonder and doubt whether or not it was real – did it really come from God? I know He can do anything, but that’s pretty major. Was that just me, hoping that will happen, or was it His voice I heard. And then if you have to wait for His promise, it becomes a question of – did I miss it? Has He changed His mind? What do I have to do to make it happen? And, I don’t want to wait anymore.
I love Romans 4. It talks in depth about the faith of Abraham. Verse 18-21:
“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’ Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”
God can so work miracles. And He is a pro at it. Over the journey I’ve been on in the last month, God has been slowly and carefully showing me how trustworthy He is, how much He loves me, and how perfect His plan is, and how much power He has in my life if I let Him in to lead.
Here is the work God has done in my life over the last month, and the lessons He has taught me, as well as the affirmations He has given me of His faithfulness and power.
My daughter was admitted into the ER Monday afternoon for extremely high blood sugar (400), dehydration, and to be tested for diabetes. She had been getting sick every hour or so all of Easter and through the night. All of the nurses and doctors were sure that she had diabetes. Many of them told us to prepare for the news of the last test, which they were all convinced would verify that she has type 1 diabetes, and to prepare for this serious lifestyle change.
They gave us crash-courses in the process of checking her blood 4-5 times a day and giving 4 or so injections of insulin per day to compensate for the number of carbs eaten per meal and to stabilize her overnight. They told us that the next day, we would give her the injections ourselves. Ethan told me I had to find the strength to do this, but all I felt was fear and saddness for my daughter for this life-long and potentially life-threatening burden she would face. My precious baby girl, pleading the nurses “please don’t poke me again” while sobbing. I went into the bathroom in our room and wept, pleading with God, telling Him I could not do this, and if there was any way that He could change this situation, that He would.
And then the next day everything changed, her blood sugar had stabilized. She looked and felt better. We asked the nurses to hold off on the insulin shots after breakfast, since we still hadn’t gotten the last test back, which a few of them did not like. Luckily, we got the approval to do that of the doctor on the floor. Then the endocrinologist came in, thoroughly confused but excited saying “The nurses on the floor kept telling me, ‘you need to convince them that she has diabetes, because they still don’t believe it.'” So he studied that last blood test that we’d been holding our last hope in. And, by the grace of God and against all of the other evidence, he informed us that she does not have diabetes. He admitted that he had never seen anything like it, and the same went for all of the nurses of the floor.
As they monitored the blood sugar throughout the day, they found that she had fully stabilized and fully recovered. After so many surprising changes, the nurses started saying how surprised, and confused, and happy for us they were. Words cannot describe how thankful I am or how much I learned through this whole experience. It was a terrific and scary reality check that Jesus can work miracles when we believe and if it is God’s will. He loves my daughter, He loves me, and He answered my cry for help. I thank Him greatly for caring for my precious gift.
I had finals while all of this was happening with my daughter. I had to email my professors to ask for pity and for a rescheduled final (not easy at the school I go to). Luckily my first was accepting. My second was as well, but I had nearly no sleep and my study plan had gone from bountiful hours to nearly nothing – and this was for my second to last math class, called Abstract Algebra – notorious for being difficult and for some failures. I’d been praying the whole last month a prayer based off of the Romans 4:18-21 verse, stating that I recognized that I did not have the time, patience, or interest in the subject to pass it with my own power and efforts, but that I trust He has the power to prosper me and make me successful. I felt His comfort each time I did, and my burden always lightened, and my stress levels always lowered. This was God’s will that I go to school for this degree, He made that clear to me. I had to trust Him. And man did I mean that prayer as I sat down with that final exam. He kept His promise – I passed.
Then I sat down to take my last exam, and, stupid and irresponsible me, I didn’t think I needed to study that much for it. It was a math history class, for crying out loud. Then I sat down to take it, counted all the points I thought I’d scraped together, and realized that I was about to get a 20% on the final exam. I prayed that the professor would look on me in favor. By the grace of God alone, he did and he allowed me to come back the next day to finish once I told him the truth about what had happened and my poor decision to not invest enough time to study for this exam.
Even when I goofed up majorly, God was there and He still kept His promise. It was not by my power or by my might, but by His Spirit. I cannot boast about my own power or will, because I could not have passed these without Him. He made that abundantly clear. Not in those circumstances. I give all the glory to the Lord.
I started my LAST class Tuesday, the hardest class in my Bachelors of Mathematics, and I’ve already failed it once. The prof. is in the middle of his pep talk (HW collected every Tuesday, pop quizzes on some Thursdays, 2 midterms, no make-up exams…) and I’m wondering how I will pull off taking that week off for a honeymoon with Ethan, which has been our dream since we started talking marriage (2 years ago). I started rehearsing what I can say to this man to hopefully get some sort of pity, praying God helps Him look on me in favor… Then he says, “But we won’t have class one week. I’ll be gone the 10th-14th.” That is the week after my wedding. Teachers, especially for an accelerated course, NEVER take vacation time…. but this man will… the week after my wedding… I get to spend that whole week just me and my husband! We get to have a honeymoon!! God is such a boss at lining everything up perfectly. Ethan had picked our date last fall, little did we know that when He did, it would be the one weekend where we would be able to live out our dream of taking a honeymoon the week following. And any of you that have read my blog before know how long we have been waiting to have sex… and it’s been a battle that we have fought successfully. And now we get to spend a whole week devoted to each other, away from the world, as newlyweds.
Ethan and I are house/apartment hunting. Intensely. We loved the idea for a place in a downtown area, cause that’d be a blast, but we’d pretty much written it out of the books due to cost. We’ll be married in less than 4 weeks, and we’d like to move Ethan into our place to get everything settled the week before the wedding. God has also lead us to this: I need to stay at home with my daughter and help her adjust to all of these life changes. To pour into her, focus on her, and mother her thoroughly throughout the month of June. Make sense logically and financially? Nope. Make sense when living a faith-based life, trusting that God will provide the means to support ourselves and keep His promise? Yep. Then the other day, after this idea was challenged and attacked by the enemy, I reaffirmed this plan that Ethan had come to with the Lord, and he accepted my support. We’ve prayed and prayed God would lead us to the RIGHT place. Not just a nice place. Then we found out that one of Ethan’s coworkers is moving out May 30th from her 2 bedroom apartment above a store in the downtown of our hometown. And get this – her rent is $435 a month. It is a safe and beautiful area. That is unheard of. We called immediately, I talked to the owner, and he said we can count on it. We are continuing to pray that God keeps this transition successful, and we trust that He will.
Ethan and I debated the logistics of going on a honeymoon. Can we really afford to travel anywhere? That was both of our dream. We had the idea of going to an up-north cabin, somewhere secluded in nature (nature is a spiritual pathway for both of us). Found several beautiful ones that were super affordable. We’d need about $500 for the whole week. Can we really justify spending that, though, given our plan for my being a stay-at-home mom for at least the first month? Yes we can, because my mom informed me that our wedding gift is $500.
I read the gospel of Mark just last week and there was a reoccurring theme: belief in God’s power leads to miracles. If we do not believe, He does not work miracles. In the Bible, it says literally that Jesus couldn’t. I also believe that part of it is because if He does work them, they will be seen as luck and it will bring no glory to the Lord.
I want to open up this one to everybody. I would love for this to be a running testimony of miracles God has worked in your lives, whether recently or in the past. I believe that personal testimony is a great proponent of our faith – and if a lot of people write of their experience, think of how powerful it can be for somebody exploring their faith, or somebody experiencing a set-back in it.