God is merciful and forgiving to a level we can’t comprehend, we’ve read and heard. “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). This is huge. Jesus died for this reason…
Yet WE hold grudges against ourselves. WE are still mad at ourselves, even hate ourselves for some of the things we’ve done or continue to struggle with. We are so ashamed that we don’t even want to admit it to the One who knows it inside & out, but just wants you to allow Him to help.
I remember telling somebody that I hate who I used to be, that “she” was everything I despise now that my heart has been changed, that “she” was truly an awful person, that I am ashamed of who I was and the things I used to do. I had a seriously unforgiving heart against myself. I was constantly punishing myself for the things in my past that God forgave me for the instant I said I was sorry. But I couldn’t let go of that hate and shame.
True healing, the deepest healing, comes from exposing our ugly (especially the struggles we are most ashamed of) to God and asking Him to fix it. Exposing our weaknesses to God gives Him the chance to show us His strength (and He will!!). It opens our heart, allows us to take that burden off of our own shoulders, put our trust in Him, and let Him mold us. We can then become Spirit-empowered instead of self-empowered (from Not a fan by Kyle Idleman).
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 says:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Then we read the story of Jesus and man with the crippled hand. This man constantly hid his hand from sight, because he was ashamed of it. It showed weakness, and it was ugly to most. What does Jesus do? Asks him to stand up and expose it to Him, so He can heal it, for all to see.
Mark 3:1-6 says:
“Another time when Jesus went into a synagogue, a man with a crippled hand was there. Some people watched Jesus closely to see if he would heal the man on the Sabbath day so they could accuse him.
Jesus said to the man with the crippled hand, ‘Stand up here in the middle of everyone.’
Then Jesus asked the people, ‘Which is lawful on the Sabbath day: to do good or to do evil, to save a life or to kill?’ But they said nothing to answer him.
Jesus was angry as he looked at the people, and he felt very sad because they were stubborn. Then he said to the man, ‘Hold out your hand.’ The man held out his hand and it was healed. Then the Pharisees left and began making plans with the Herodians about a way to kill Jesus.”
Trust that He will heal, forgive, mold, and encourage you in your moment of weakness. Trust that you will not be judged, that He already knows exactly what you’re going through, He just needs the opportunity to show you His strength.