We are sexual creaters. We were created that way. Sex in marriage is a blessing from God, but the time before we tie the knot is a real battle.
Ethan and I were always very attracted to each other, but over the last 2 years of deepening our emotional and spiritual bond, the attraction is insane. This is the hardest and most rewarding battle I’ve fought in my single-lady life. Same for Ethan. There have been so many benefits and blessings to waiting that we have no doubt we are doing what is pleasing to God.
Here are the ways Ethan and I beat sexual temptation:
1. Love Jesus more than you love each other or your sin. Get more of Him and there will be less room for the enemy in your head and in your life. Chose praise music on the radio, listen to messages while you drive, pray every chance you get, get in the Word daily and meditate on it. REALLY take thoughts captive – if it does not glorify God, reject it and redirect your eyes to Jesus. Do not put your significant other on the throne that Jesus should be sitting on in your life. Do not let your desire to make your significant other happy surpass your desire to please the Lord. If they expect you to do that, I encourage you to really think and pray about whether they are the person the Lord wants you to be with. Check out Psalm 119:
9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
12 Praise be to you, Lord;
teach me your decrees.
13 With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.
14 I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.
15 I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.
16 I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.
2. Flee. If you’re put in temptation’s path, run. When things get too heated or too tempting, Ethan and I literally separate until we get control over our flesh. If need be, separate for a few hours, or even the rest of the night if the temptation is too great.
3. Do not toe the edge of the cliff. Would you walk closer and closer to the edge of a cliff to see how close you could get before falling off? Probably not. Same goes for purity. Don’t allow push the envelope, it is not glorifying to God and it will only make failure more probable in this battle. It’s alright to be attracted to them and long for them, that’s natural, but BE CAREFUL. Unchecked, it can lead to lust and as a sister-in-Christ pointed out, until you two are married, they are not yours, they are still a brother in Christ – keep that in mind.
4. Pray together. Ethan and I used to start off nights we hung out together with this. It is so extraordinarily helpful. Or if you’re both having a hard time with control one night, stop and pray. You’ll be amazed how focusing both of your minds back on the bigger picture will change the mood for the better. Through Jesus, you have the power to make satan flee. Use it.
5. Pray for each other separately. This is always good. You never know what your other half could be struggling with and facing on a daily basis.
6. No porn. No looking at other people lustfully. Your spouse deserves a faithful wife or husband – mind, body, and soul.
7. Don’t kiss on a bed. Or maybe even on a couch. This leads to heated moments that can lead to other bad things. Best to just avoid it since it gets extremely tempting very fast.
8. Honestly ask your man if he could be your rock for you the days/nights that you’re having a particularly hard time. Men love to be needed and to be useful in their own unique way. They love having a purpose and being able to help us. That’s how they’re wired! You admitting a weakness and showing vulnerability will also deepen your trust in one another and he will take your plea to heart.
9. Don’t tempt him with a revealing outfit. Ethan always tells me this is the hardest and most frustrating thing because “he has me, but he can’t have me all at the same time.” When we wear revealing outfits, we’re making the battle even more difficult and more frustrating for our men. Men are visually stimulated creatures, and seeing a woman he has such strong feelings for showing off the body he’s trying so hard not to think about all day… how much temptation can a guy take?! Don’t get me wrong, making an effort to look good for him is important and greatly appreciated, but dressing modestly AND beautifully is possible and God-glorifying. Honestly pray about what you are going to wear and follow the nudges God gives you.
Here is an interesting way to think about this – when put in a sexually tempting situation you have two options to choose from:
1. your flesh – your sexual desires, your desires to fulfill your significant other’s sexual desires, your fear or disappointing said significant other, your craving for affirmation – this is so temporary. A few minutes of physical satisfaction that will leave your Spirit suffering. Also, you cannot fully satisfy your significant other’s craving for affirmation, even physical. That is something that is not your job until marriage. Believe me ladies, I’ve tried. That is something you have to trust God with until that point. He will come through for you both, but God can’t fill that void (yours or your partner’s) until you give it to Him to fill. After I truly gave this up to God, after I told Ethan very plainly, “I am sorry for holding you back spiritually, I haven’t been giving God the opportunity to fill this void in you because I hate to see you suffer. But God is asking me to trust you with Him, ALL of you,” Ethan had his breakthrough God moment literally a few days later, where God was finally able to heal all the wounds from his past. Ethan’s relationship with God is on a whole new level now, a level he may have never reached had I kept clinging on to him for fear that God would remain silent.
2. your Father – choosing Him over yourself, choosing Him over your significant other, trusting Him with your relationship, leaning on Him to help redirect you. God will bless you, God will bless the relationship He has designed you for.
Don’t let your flesh rule you, let the Spirit guide you and obey its nudges. Don’t choose your significant other over your Creator. Fight the good fight, purity is well worth fighting for.
One last note to the ladies – staying strong in your morals may turn a man away from you, but guess what that means – he’s not the one. He doesn’t deserve your body. If a man pushes away from you because you have physical boundaries, that’s a good indicator that his heart and intentions with you are far from being in the right place. So thank God that He saved you from that butt head, and move on with your awesome life.