9 ways to beat sexual temptation

9sexualtemptation

We are sexual creaters.  We were created that way.  Sex in marriage is a blessing from God, but the time before we tie the knot is a real battle.

Ethan and I were always very attracted to each other, but over the last 2 years of deepening our emotional and spiritual bond, the attraction is insane.  This is the hardest and most rewarding battle I’ve fought in my single-lady life. Same for Ethan.  There have been so many benefits and blessings to waiting that we have no doubt we are doing what is pleasing to God.

Here are the ways Ethan and I beat sexual temptation:

1. Love Jesus more than you love each other or your sin. Get more of Him and there will be less room for the enemy in your head and in your life. Chose praise music on the radio, listen to messages while you drive, pray every chance you get, get in the Word daily and meditate on it. REALLY take thoughts captive – if it does not glorify God, reject it and redirect your eyes to Jesus. Do not put your significant other on the throne that Jesus should be sitting on in your life. Do not let your desire to make your significant other happy surpass your desire to please the Lord. If they expect you to do that, I encourage you to really think and pray about whether they are the person the Lord wants you to be with. Check out Psalm 119:

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.
12 Praise be to you, Lord;
    teach me your decrees.
13 With my lips I recount
    all the laws that come from your mouth.
14 I rejoice in following your statutes
    as one rejoices in great riches.
15 I meditate on your precepts
    and consider your ways.
16 I delight in your decrees;
    I will not neglect your word.

2. Flee.  If you’re put in temptation’s path, run.  When things get too heated or too tempting, Ethan and I literally separate until we get control over our flesh.  If need be, separate for a few hours, or even the rest of the night if the temptation is too great.

3. Do not toe the edge of the cliff.  Would you walk closer and closer to the edge of a cliff to see how close you could get before falling off? Probably not. Same goes for purity. Don’t allow push the envelope, it is not glorifying to God and it will only make failure more probable in this battle.  It’s alright to be attracted to them and long for them, that’s natural, but BE CAREFUL. Unchecked, it can lead to lust and as a sister-in-Christ pointed out, until you two are married, they are not yours, they are still a brother in Christ – keep that in mind.

4. Pray together.  Ethan and I used to start off nights we hung out together with this.  It is so extraordinarily helpful.  Or if you’re both having a hard time with control one night, stop and pray.  You’ll be amazed how focusing both of your minds back on the bigger picture will change the mood for the better. Through Jesus, you have the power to make satan flee. Use it.

5. Pray for each other separately.  This is always good.  You never know what your other half could be struggling with and facing on a daily basis.

6. No porn.  No looking at other people lustfully.  Your spouse deserves a faithful wife or husband – mind, body, and soul.

7. Don’t kiss on a bed.  Or maybe even on a couch.  This leads to heated moments that can lead to other bad things.  Best to just avoid it since it gets extremely tempting very fast.

8. Honestly ask your man if he could be your rock for you the days/nights that you’re having a particularly hard time.  Men love to be needed and to be useful in their own unique way.  They love having a purpose and being able to help us.  That’s how they’re wired!  You admitting a weakness and showing vulnerability will also deepen your trust in one another and he will take your plea to heart.

9. Don’t tempt him with a revealing outfit.  Ethan always tells me this is the hardest and most frustrating thing because “he has me, but he can’t have me all at the same time.”  When we wear revealing outfits, we’re making the battle even more difficult and more frustrating for our men.  Men are visually stimulated creatures, and seeing a woman he has such strong feelings for showing off the body he’s trying so hard not to think about all day… how much temptation can a guy take?!  Don’t get me wrong, making an effort to look good for him is important and greatly appreciated, but dressing modestly AND beautifully is possible and God-glorifying. Honestly pray about what you are going to wear and follow the nudges God gives you.

Here is an interesting way to think about this – when put in a sexually tempting situation you have two options to choose from:

1. your flesh – your sexual desires, your desires to fulfill your significant other’s sexual desires, your fear or disappointing said significant other, your craving for affirmation – this is so temporary.  A few minutes of physical satisfaction that will leave your Spirit suffering.  Also, you cannot fully satisfy your significant other’s craving for affirmation, even physical.  That is something that is not your job until marriage.  Believe me ladies, I’ve tried.  That is something you have to trust God with until that point.  He will come through for you both, but God can’t fill that void (yours or your partner’s) until you give it to Him to fill.  After I truly gave this up to God, after I told Ethan very plainly, “I am sorry for holding you back spiritually, I haven’t been giving God the opportunity to fill this void in you because I  hate to see you suffer.  But God is asking me to trust you with Him, ALL of you,”  Ethan had his breakthrough God moment literally a few days later, where God was finally able to heal all the wounds from his past.  Ethan’s relationship with God is on a whole new level now, a level he may have never reached had I kept clinging on to him for fear that God would remain silent.

2. your Father – choosing Him over yourself, choosing Him over your significant other, trusting Him with your relationship, leaning on Him to help redirect you.  God will bless you, God will bless the relationship He has designed you for.

Don’t let your flesh rule you, let the Spirit guide you and obey its nudges.  Don’t choose your significant other over your Creator.  Fight the good fight, purity is well worth fighting for.

One last note to the ladies – staying strong in your morals may turn a man away from you, but guess what that means – he’s not the one.  He doesn’t deserve your body.  If a man pushes away from you because you have physical boundaries, that’s a good indicator that his heart and intentions with you are far from being in the right place. So thank God that He saved you from that butt head, and move on with your awesome life.

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32 thoughts on “9 ways to beat sexual temptation

  1. Hosea 4:14 says:

    Saying that a woman has to cover her body, which is beautiful and given to her by God, to prevent men from being tempted by her…this is patriarchy. This is oppression. This is telling women that they have to endure summer heat without strapless dresses and cool clothes because men can’t be trusted to maintain the self-control that NOT touching them requires: that women have to police their bodies because viewing the beauty of women makes it too hard for their boyfriends to control their lust. Maybe if you also said that men shouldn’t wear, say, jeans or tight shirts that turn on their girlfriends, it would at least be equal-opportunity oppression. But it seems like the focus should be on helping one another endure and overcome lust, without considering it your fault if you accidentally generate it in the other person.
    I understand everything else on this list, and particularly find prayer a healthy alternative. Bless you for even attempting to address this problem; it’s a complicated one, and something I believe literally everyone struggles with at some point.

    • John 7:53-8:11 says:

      When talking about modestly, I am not referring to anything extreme (say burka’s and things of that nature). I am talking about not wearing something that exposes cleavage, something that is extremely short, or something that shows too much of your body in general. I talk about how dressing in revealing clothes is an invitation to be checked out and looked at lustfully. That is the point of revealing clothes, to show off your body, which is flaunting your body. I do not believe in female oppression. I’ve actually been accused of being feminist and sexist against men. Women dressing provocatively has become everyday, common, promoted, and exploited in media of every kind. This is what needs to change. I don’t believe that wearing something with no shape whatsoever is necessary, it’s the taste level and the class that has been lost over the years. I just went to kmart yesterday to see a tight leopard dress that had mesh that was extremely see-through down the entire side of the dress. How one would even wear undergarments in it without revealing it… well actually it would be impossible. That’s what I was getting at with modesty. This trend of show more, get more attention, attract more men, outer-beauty-is-most-important has got to be stopped. Thank you for your kind words and your oppinions, God bless!!

      • Kelly says:

        I think you said it well in this reply and in your blog post 🙂 People want to argue individually and women’s rights, but they forget that there’s other people to consider outside of that one individual. We should strive to not stumble ourselves, but to not be a stumbling block for others 😀 Love your blog! Kudos on being outspoken on what God desires from us… to be Godly women 😉 May you be richly blessed, my dear sister-in-Christ 🙂

      • Grace says:

        Thank you so much for this, im trying to rebuild my relationship with God and have been battling about the sex before marriage issue because before i had decided to commit myself to God my boyfriend and i had agreed to wait a year before we had sex, he’s a virgin im not so i was particularly scared about approaching him about the no sex before marriage thing… But your post has given me courage to stand firm in my beliefs i wont be having sex before marriage and if he cant deal with this then clearly he’s not the right one… Again thank you so much this has helped me a ton and i hope to grow more in christ

    • Isabelle says:

      Patriarchy? From my understanding, this post does not tell women that it is wrong to wear “summer clothing.” It says that you shouldn’t wear skanky clothing if you want to prove that you have self respect. I am absolutely sure that the writer of this post has nothing against summer dresses and cool clothes. There is a visible difference between “summer classy” and “summer trashy” if you know what I mean. And this post is mostly directed at ladies, so if she were talking to everyone, she would probably tell the guys what you were saying: don’t wear tight clothes that affect your girlfriends.

  2. Irene García Benito says:

    I think this is kinda stupid. Why wouldn’t i cover myself just to not provocate my couple. I don’t understant why i cant have sex before marriage. Marriage was invented after sex, i mean sex its the most natural thing in this world, but marriage is something that we, the human being have invented so we dont have to respect that because God created us before the marriage was invented. We are programated to have sex and kids no matter we are or not married. I dont know who was the first one who said we cannot respond our emotions and feelings with sex but he wasn’t really intelligent

    • John 7:53-8:11 says:

      I strongly encourage you to read the story of creation from the Bible (I prefer NIV or NLT). What happened was God created man and woman, they were the ONLY man and woman on the face of the Earth. They were, more or less, married. After the fall of Adam and Eve, the pandora’s box of sin was opened, Satan won reign over the world and from there grew the temptations of sexual immorality, infidelity, homosexuality, etc. Marriage was a covenant created by God to bond one man and one woman together. Without the commitment of marriage, the commitment CAN be easily broken, and often is. There are a lot of statistics to back this fact up. See my post from 2/2/2014.

  3. Charlotte says:

    Thank you for this…. I am only two months into a relationship right now and I have never felt this tempted before. I made the choice long ago to wait till marriage to have sex and my boyfriend supports that but I’m really struggling. I think the hardest part of waiting is that I didn’t have a personal reason behind wanted to wait. Thank you!

  4. DC says:

    I have many disagreements with this list, that basically produces me laughter. But there are two main concepts that I could not resist to criticize “we have no doubt we are doing what is pleasing to God.” are you really living your only life based on pleasing someone else? its seems to me that the only thing you are doing is living a delusion and wasting the only opportunity that you have to live!!
    Secondly “This leads to heated moments that can lead to other bad things” bad things!! I think that I dont need to point out the obvious foolishness in that phrase.

    • John 7:53-8:11 says:

      DC, I’ve lived in the “real world.” I’ve had sex with boyfriends. I’ve smoked a lot of weed, I’ve drank a lot of alcohol. I’ve nearly been raped twice at “crazy fun parties.” I’ve seen the other side of the fence. I lived on it for years. It all seemed green and cozy at first, then it quickly became a pit of thorns that I could not seem to get out of. Living for God has been the most fulfilling and wildly satisfying adventure I have ever been on. And while you may see my life as “not living” it is actually me living for something much greater than myself – lead by Christ to help and serve other people. I’ve lived a life of “satisfying” myself and chasing after what I wanted for myself. It only lead me to more emptiness and a lot of regret and heartbreak. I appreciate your challenge, because it allows me to testify and defend the One that saved me and taught me how to TRULY live. This life is temporary, what I am aiming towards is not and living for is not.

      • elsacmorganeb says:

        I completely agree with your article and with this comment. I also lived “in the real world”, I did a lot a things that were said to be “cool” and to be what is happiness but it never felt right, it always felt empty.
        Since I decided not to live for others anymore and not to live for me anymore, but to live for God, I have never felt more complete and more contented. God has filled me with His love and grace and it is incomparable with anything on Earth.
        Thank you for your blog and que Dieu te bénisse 🙂
        Your French sister in Christ
        Morgane

    • Eboni Gray says:

      Well I will say when you’re a believer and you have a relationship with Christ, you want to do everything in your power that makes Him happy. So of course I want to please God. And when I’m married I want to please my husband. And to say that she typed foolishness is disrespectful. And frankly, she’s only obeying what Christ told her to do which is the right way to live and that’s a fact no matter what any human says.

  5. Brianna says:

    This spoke to me so much. Me and my boyfriend have very heated times, we’ve never done it though. And I don’t want to. I want to say I don’t want to “make out” with him, but I’m scared of what he might say. Please help.

    • John 7:53-8:11 says:

      If God is nudging you, and you are uncomfortable, he needs to respect your boundaries. If he gives you a hard time about it or pushes it further, he truly does not deserve you and his heart is not in the right place, especially one to help you grow spiritually. God bless, sister. Praying for you!

  6. Elizabeth says:

    I absolutely love this blog post. I have dated for about 9 months now and I’ve reached that point. I’m not a perfect, Christian girl and I’ve let myself and my boyfriend over-step our own boundaries. You cannot begin to understand how this spoke to me. After having sex, I feel horrible. I feel guilty, I take the walk of shame back to my car. This is something I have to show him, I do believe this post can get us on the right track and keep us centered, not on what we can do for each other but how we can glorify God through our relationship. Thank you, thank you so much. You are one unspoken and unthought prayer that has been answered.

    • John 7:53-8:11 says:

      Thank you for your support and encouragement, it means the world to me. Praying that your new talks about this subject go smoothly, and I pray that God keeps showing you and your man the reasons He has purity planned for you both in your relationship!! You are taking the hardest step, but you will be so blessed by doing it!! God bless 🙂

  7. Adoradora says:

    Thank you for this post, and for having the courage to speak on a topic that most avoid. I can give testimony of the Spiritual suffering that comes from overstepping boundaries. I have received the incredible gift of God restoring my purity once I gave my life to Him and I have found myself in a tremendous battle to stay away from lustful impulses since then. I believe it comes down to what you said, keeping yourself away from situations that could lead to sin and being wise. I’m troubled at the moment because I recently committed an act, that is not “necessarily” sex, but makes me feel tainted either way. I’ve realized I am not strong enough in my faith to pursue a relationship. I’d ask for your advice or your prayers to help me get right with God once more.

    • John 7:53-8:11 says:

      You are already right with Him, my friend. He forgave you already – that gap that you feel is the enemy capitalizing on a weak moment that you had. The enemy is great at using those moments as footholds, to try to distance us from the love and grace God is always ready to give. Pray against that, in Jesus’ name. I actually just read scripture about this, and I think it was meant for you. It’s the story in Acts 10:9-22. Verse 15 stuck out to me in particular, here it is:

      “The voice spoke to him a second time, ‘Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.'”

      “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.” That will be your verse, sister, to fight the enemy. Declare that out loud. You are God’s baby girl, and through Him you have authority over the enemy. Quoting the word is super effective, that’s what Jesus did in the desert!

      Praying for you, sister. I know you will get past this, cause nothing can separate you from God’s love!!

  8. jana says:

    My question is that is I have a toddler, I am single and coparenting. How can I tell a potential partner that I want for marriage. When I have a daughter ? Clearly I’m not a virgin. I have repented for my sins and know now the consequences of going against god. Also is it even appropriate to date at all when having a child. ? Doesn’t that time you’re spending with the guy, take valuable time away from your child? Thank you for your time! God bless you all

    • Single Young Christian Mom says:

      Jana – I totally understand how you feel, I felt the same way going into dating again, wondering how to tell anybody, not just my boyfriend, that I was going to wait for marriage when I had a little girl attached to my hip… what I landed on was a few sentences that explained how God had changed my heart on pursuing purity – how He has convicted me in my spirit that His way, is the best way, and that I wanted to fight for that and experience marriage how He designed it. God will give you the right words, keep seeking Him on it!! As for dating with a small child, I would pursue Christ about that as well. If He is convicting you to wait until your baby is older, then it’s not time, but if you feel peace in your Spirit about dating, pray for more confirmations that it’s alright to date at this time. God will help you navigate and give you wisdom about His plan for you!! Praying God will speak to you in obvious ways and praising Him that He gives His wisdom to those who seek it!!

  9. angel says:

    I don’t want to be a hypocrite,
    I’m a Christian devoted to living a true Christian life but got involved in a relationship and ended it after 2yrs due to the guilt of frequent sex and still having to raise my hands in worship after all I did. I love worship moments the most.I’m in a new relationship with an awesome guy who I got to lead to Christ, it’s a long distance thing we got going ,we communicate all the time and once he gets back home he wants to make love to me although I keep on discouraging that because I don’t want to go back to that hypocritical
    life again.but honestly I miss him .I pray that I will be able to apply what you’ve taught me and also that God may give me grace to talk to him.

    my other biggest problem is that I frequently have sexual urges when I think of him and it has led to masturbation. I feel so guilty before God even when I repent I find myself doing it again.is it wrong to have other sexual pleasures without penetration if I want to wait till marriage? I’m I the only young Christian girl going through this?

    • Single Young Christian Mom says:

      I know for a fact you’re not the only. I’ve had so many conversations with my girl friends about this – the question of how far is too far… I urge you to listen to Andy Stanley’s series called “The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating.” You can download his podcasts free or if you have an android, like myself, you can download the app called “Your Move.” Even though I am married now, I learned a TON about this topic. He talks about tiptoeing that edge of the cliff of sin with that question, it’s absolutely great and really hits home. I also was just at a service last night and the speaker said something that will forever stick with me. He said “I know that I am not stronger than I really am. I know that I struggle with lust, so I know now that to put myself in situtations where I will most likely fail because of the proof of failures in those situations in my past, would be the most unwise thing I could do.” God may give you boundaries, He may give you the bold words to speak or the bold actions to take, but it is ultimately up to you to obey. I just want to encourage you to obey. I have never ever regretted the moments where I am obedient to my Savior, because He knows the consequences that would come and He is trying to protect us, sister, from those sufferings. I have however, regretted almost every time I have ignored God’s voice. Praying for you, sister!!!

  10. Amannda says:

    Wow! I am blown away by your Godly wisdom and advice. I am so thankful that God has put it on your heart to share about subjects that are so relevant but can be controversial in the Christian community and the rest of the world alike. So so good!

  11. Annamarie says:

    First of all, thank you so much for your gift of words on paper and letting the Spirit work through your past to help me and other broken women. Thank you! Second, I kind of want to clarify something you said…. “It’s alright to have lustful thoughts for the person you’ll be marrying, but be careful.” Now I totally struggle with lust. For a long time I was stuck in sin with porn and masturbation and sexual relationships and all kinds of nasty things. But this statement struck me because once I made the decision to commit my purity unto Christ and surrender all my sin and all my brokenness, I’ve been so convicted of lust (which I’m thankful for, because it would destroy me otherwise). You say it’s okay to lust after the person that you’re going to be marrying- why? Until marriage, isn’t that man still your brother, potentially someone else’s husband? Most importantly, if sex is to be saved until marriage, shouldn’t also the thoughts of desire and intimacy be reserved until marriage? What is the difference between lusting after another man or the man you are planning to marry, if you are not married to either? I feel there is too much wiggle room here to justify sin.

    I understand the battle… I fight it everyday. But I continue to fight it because allowing lustful thoughts to enter into a chaste relationship is walking into an ambush. Please, I hope I am not being hurtful or rude, but for my own sake I would love to hear your thoughts. I can see you have much godly wisdom and I am seeking counsel on purity in my own relationship. Glory to God, amen. ❤

    • Single Young Christian Mom says:

      Annamarie, thank you so much for commenting. I wrote this article while my husband and I were dating, and reading it from the perspective of the future looking back at the past, I believe that you are right in what you say. My husband and I struggled to stay pure, and maybe that was because we believed it was alright to think of each other lustfully (though not all the time). Maybe had we tried harder to not let those thoughts take root, we would not have struggled so much. It’s a tough line to walk, for sure. Looking back on it now, I’m not sure lust is the best word to use. We thought of it as more of having a desire for each other or being attracted to each other… Thank you for challenging me, sister. Your words are ringing true in my spirit and now that I am out of the ambush (as you so rightly called it), I can see that much clearer now. I’ll make a change to it. God bless you!!

    • Single Young Christian Mom says:

      Dear sister, you are not weak!! Even Jesus was tempted!! And even though we sin, Jesus came to give us strength and power and hope! You are strong, sister. It is a tough battle. Keep fighting. The fact that you ARE fighting for purity shows that you are strong!!! Praying special blessings for you this morning!!!

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