We are sexual creaters. We were created that way. Sex in marriage is a blessing from God, but the time before we tie the knot is a constant battle.
Ethan and I were always very attracted to each other, but over the last 2 years of deepening our emotional and spiritual bond, the attraction is insane. This is the hardest and most rewarding battle I’ve fought in my single-lady life. Same for Ethan. There have been so many benefits and blessings to waiting that we have no doubt we are doing what is pleasing to God.
Here are the ways Ethan and I beat sexual temptation:
1. Don’t wear sexy underwear or bras unless you will not be alone at any point that day/night. I don’t know about you ladies, but the second I put on my favorite bra, I want to show Ethan how awesome it looks. I found it so much harder to stifle that desire those days/nights.
2. Flee. If you’re put in temptation’s path, run. When things get too heated or too tempting, Ethan and I literally separate until we can calm ourselves down and get control. If need be, separate for a few hours, or even the rest of the night if the temptation is too great.
3. Pray and redirect yourself when you get on those train of thoughts. Those days that I let my mind run rampant, I struggle. Same for Ethan. It’s alright to be attracted to them and long for them, that’s natural, but BE CAREFUL. Too much can lead to lots of lust and somebody pushing the envelope. And as a sister-in-Christ pointed out, until you two are married, they are not yours, they are still a brother in Christ – keep that in mind.
4. Pray together. Ethan and I used to start off nights we hung out together with this. We should get back into it because it is so extraordinarily helpful. Or if you’re both having a hard time with control one night, stop and pray. You’ll be amazed how focusing both of your minds back on the bigger picture will change the mood for the better. Satan flees at that point.
5. Pray for each other separately. This is always good. You never know what your other half could be struggling with and facing on a daily basis.
6. No porn. No looking at other people lustfully. Your husband spouse deserves a faithful wife – mind, body, and soul.
7. Don’t kiss on a bed. Or maybe even on a couch. This leads to heated moments that can lead to other bad things. Best to just avoid it since it gets extremely tempting very fast.
8. Honestly ask your man if he could be your rock for you the days/nights that you’re having a particularly hard time. Men love to be needed and to be useful in their own unique way. They love having a purpose and being able to help us. That’s how they’re wired! You admitting a weakness and showing vulnerability will also deepen your trust in one another and he will take your plea to heart.
9. Don’t tempt him with a super sexy outfit. Ethan always tells me this is the hardest and most frustrating thing because “he has me, but he can’t have me all at the same time.” When we wear sexy outfits, we’re making the battle harder and more frustrating for our men. Men are often more sexual than we are, not to mention that they are visually stimulated creatures, and seeing a woman he has such strong feelings for showing off the body he’s trying so hard not to think about all day… how much temptation can a guy take?! Don’t get me wrong, making an effort to look good for him is important and greatly appreciated, just don’t push it too far.
Here is an interesting way to think about this – when put in a sexually tempting situation you have two options to choose from:
1. your flesh – your sexual desires, your desires to fulfill your significant other’s sexual desires, your fear or disappointing said significant other, your craving for affirmation – this is so temporary. A few minutes of physical satisfaction that will leave your Spirit suffering. Also, you cannot fully satisfy your significant other’s craving for affirmation, even physical. That is something that is not your job until marriage. Believe me ladies, I’ve tried. That is something you have to trust God with until that point. He will come through for you both, but God can’t fill that void (yours or your partner’s) until you give it to Him to fill. After I truly gave this up to God, after I told Ethan very plainly, “I am sorry for holding you back spiritually, I haven’t been giving God the opportunity to fill this void in you because I hate to see you suffer. But God is asking me to trust you with Him, ALL of you,” Ethan had his breakthrough God moment literally a few days later, where God was finally able to heal all the wounds from his past. Ethan’s relationship with God is on a whole new level now, a level he may have never reached had I kept clinging on to him for fear that God would remain silent.
2. your Father – choosing Him over yourself, choosing Him over your significant other, trusting Him with your relationship, leaning on Him to help redirect you. God will bless you, God will bless the relationship He has designed you for.
Don’t let your flesh rule you, let the Spirit guide you and obey its nudges. Don’t choose your significant other over your Creator. Fight the good fight, purity is well worth fighting for.
One last note to the ladies – staying strong in your morals may turn a man away from you, but guess what that means – he’s not the one. He doesn’t deserve your body. If a man pushes away from you because you have physical boundaries, that’s a good indicator that his heart and intentions with you are far from being in the right place.